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October 31, 2003
Quote of the Day
"When this moron's arm went down the crapper, so did our evening commute," Metro-North spokesman Dan Brucker, about a man who tried to retrieve his cell phone after dropping it in a train toilet.
Posted by The Twins at 04:41 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Boo-ring
Here we are, on the day which should arguably be a grand day for the Boo-blog, convoluted as it may be, and we got nuthin. No Halloween poems, no pictures of Leto & Roz dressed as pumpkins, not even a picture of the Stevie Nickses. That pumpkin thing's not happening, by the way, so don't hold your breath.
Anyway, have a fun and safe Halloween, watch out for the crazies, and we'll try to provide something of value before the winter solstice.
Posted by The Twins at 01:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 30, 2003
Giving sixty-five percent
We just did a scroll of the blog's main page, and were struck by the visual representation of a truth we have been trying to avoid: we are currently in a period of impressive accomplishment in the art of half-assedness.
We look at the piddly little groups of sentences that we try to pass off as "writing," and realize we have been phoning it in for weeks. This becomes particularly apparent when we visit the likes of other blogs that are thoughtfully crafted and gutbustingly hilarious and/or poignant. This little project was, at one point, supposed to be or at least attempt to be sort of like that. We never intended a daily journal that would inform readers when Girl-E purchased eggs or simply said "wow, the sky looks cool!" (see below). But clearly, giving it that old junior high try is all we are capable of at the moment.
Our current state undoubtedly reflects that of our benefactress, who has recently been perfecting the art of C-plus effort in everything she does. Girl-E recently started what can definitely be put in the rough category of dream job, and yet she has been applying herself about as rigorously as a babysitter who has already put the kid to bed. She's been exercising some, but her lofty goals of committing to a progressive and competitive program have fallen face down in the water (or really out of the water, seeing as it was swimming). She tried to resume bass lessons, but went to one and hasn't picked the thing up since. Her preoccupation with finding some kind of regular singing activity outside of karaoke has led to nothing but self-doubt and distraction. After a year of reading about 1,000 pages a week, she hasn't picked up a book in over a month. Meanwhile, she constantly searches the internet for new activities that she could get real good at. She has also been diligently devoting large periods of time to browsing through the Gap and playing Pyramid Solitaire on her Palm Pilot.
Anyway, it appears it's time for her next feeding and thankfully there's a sandwich calling her name. She'll need the energy to eventually roll herself across the street to the library and find the articles on reserve that she needs to write the speech she has been not working on for three weeks.
Posted by The Twins at 12:48 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 29, 2003
Cool!
Everyone look outside at the phat colors in the sky! Yay solar hurricane! Let's have a party! We'll bring the Tang!
Posted by The Twins at 04:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Scaryoke? Okey dokey!!
Damn hell, that was a good time. You really can't beat a lesbian drag troupe's fully choreographed performance of Thriller. You really wish you were there.
We forgot the camera, but as the tenure of the twin Stevie Nickses is far from over, we hope not to disappoint you over the next few days.
Posted by The Twins at 12:29 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 28, 2003
Refinement
Drinking: Bigelow Rasberry Royale tea, black
Reading: The National Research Council's report on Scientific Research in Education
Listening to: Adaggio for Strings
Looking at: The Radcliffe Schlesinger Library, nestled in a grove of yellow-orange-leaved maples, framed by her large wooden vintage picture window
Eating: Candycorn by the big, sticky fistfull
Posted by The Twins at 04:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Stop draggin' my bloody, haunted, still beating heart around
We know we say this every week, but seriously, you should really come here tonight. We're not kidding. There may even be a number of highlights in addition to the Twin Stevies. And you really want to see Centrifugal Ass Girl's costume. We don't know what it is, but we know you want to see it.
Posted by The Twins at 10:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 27, 2003
Communique
Note: At long last, all (so far identified) wrinkles of switching the blog are ironed out. Email is working, thetwins@boo-blog.com is ready and waiting for your patronage. Girl-E@boo-blog.com is *no longer* in operation -- if you have something to say to her, let us know and we'll pass along a highly filtered and euphemized message.
Posted by The Twins at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Inertia
Girl-E is looking drearily out her office window. It is 5:02pm, and black as pitch. The goal all day was to head to a 5:30 aerobics class, but as she gazes out at the darkness, and feels the reception-desk candy corn and office-meeting cookies loll around in her tummy, she has no other desire than to roll herself down into the subway which will in turn roll her to her couch.
Damn you, Eastern Standard Time. And free cookies. And rainy Mondays.
Posted by The Twins at 05:09 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 26, 2003
Unacceptable.
What the hell is your problem, really. All Girl-E wanted to do was download Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" in anticipation of the Twin Stevie Nickses' debut at Scaryoke on Tuesday. And you, you asswipe, had to label your mp3 file "Dreams - Fleetwood Mac," instead of "You Were Meant for Me - Jewel", which is what it was, pencil-dick. Do you think Jewel would wear a tassled dress, a furry black beret, black leather boots and a pensive, determined pout? Do you? No. We didn't think so.
Posted by The Twins at 10:06 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Let's do the timewarp again
This weekend was about as H.G. Wellian as they come. We half expected Christopher Lloyd to pop out from behind the bushes at every turn. On Friday, Girl-E and Girl-C rented Psycho Beach Party, which if you haven't seen it (tsk tsk) is a combination 50s psychodrama, 60s beach frollick, 70s slasher film, produced with a 90s John Waters-esque flair. Yes, they had gone to a Psycho Beach Party party just the night before, but were left blueballed by the fact that the party was in a bar and the movie was just playing on a loop silently in the background. Wholly unsatisfactory. After the movie, they watched the '88 and '89 installments of VH1's I Love the 80s Strikes Back (endless weeks of nightmares looming about John Stamos's hair), and then a few mid-90s episodes of Mr. Show.
Saturday scoobied back just as dramatically, as Comedy Central graced the screen with the mid-80s gems of Weird Science and The Heavenly Kid. By the way, there has been no music made in the history of music that can even approach the soundtrack of this movie in it's stupifying degree of assitude. It was like someone handed out Casio keyboards to the fans at an Air Supply concert and told them to make up music about their latest triumphs and tribulations on the spot. Saturday night was a gala fundraiser for the high school that The Dude went to and now teaches at, teeming with old high school classmates and plenty of wretched musical flashbacks courtesy of the band.
Today, at the first anniversary party for The Leisure Agency, conversation seemed always to come full circle to talk of Transformers and Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Except there was lots of booze. Thank god for adulthood.
Posted by The Twins at 07:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 23, 2003
H-A-Double-L... what the fuck?!?
We would like everyone to notice that the date header above says October 23. October is about crisp, colorful leaves, post-season baseball, trick-or-treating, dressing up like Stevie Nicks. OCTOBER IS NOT ABOUT SNOW. Snow and October shouldn't even be thought in the same thought. So waking up this morning to a mid-autumn wonderland was, let's just say, not even remotely magical.
A year ago in Turkey, when Girl-E would have rather had a tooth pulled daily than go to her teaching job, this would have been more than welcome. Especially considering that Istanbul has one guy with a shovel to clean up a city of 15 million people, and school once closed for a week due to a 2-inch snowfall. But right now, this is freakin' ridiculous, especially for a girl who is uncomfortable outside of the 63-79 degree range.
It seems to be stopping, but the concept is still revolting. This better not screw up the Psycho Beach Party party she's going to tonight.
Posted by The Twins at 09:40 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
October 22, 2003
A change, will do you good
Welcome to the redesigned Boo-blog!! Ok, fine, it looks almost exactly the same. Fine. We did hop over to a new host, which cleaned things up a tad. And inspired by Julia, we dusted up our header to reflect an all-too-obvious built-in Halloween theme. Yeah, it sucks, we know. But we have been literally referred to as "artistically retarded", so we don't know what you people expect. Fortunately, Hilatron has agreed to help us design, er ok design without our help at all, a permanent graphic header that will surely spiff us up a few levels. But until then, deal with our stupid-ass ghost. Boo.
One serious suck puppy is that all comments from the other blog have been lost, because they can't be exported. Which really blows, because you all are so wonderfully witty, and make us feel loved. We promise we'll make it up to you. Any requests (you can obviously make shiny new comments)?
NOTE: our email will not be working for a little while, for reasons we won't bore you with. Which I know will mess up your world. Cuz you write us every single day. Yeah.
Posted by The Twins at 01:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Get that girl away from Grandpa's balls
We'd just like to say this. BOWLIOKE BIRTHDAY ROCKED!!! Cinnamon-and-sugar-coated thanks to all of Girl-E's friends who came out for a little candlepin bowling, pizza eating, beer drinking, and loud singing for her 27th. Cuz we know how hard and annoying that stuff is.
Special prize to Hilatron for bringing her own set of bowling balls, inherited from her grandfather. We took turns playing with them because they were just so much cooler as a concept than the alley's balls.
Posted by The Twins at 01:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 20, 2003
It's one louder
Girl-E was watching the Today Show this morning, and they were interviewing a young woman who saved the life of a man on the Staten Island Ferry during the tragic accident last week. The man's parents joined her on the show to express their gratitude, blah blah. The father stopped Matt in the middle of the interview and said, in a slow, deliberate voice, "This is what I want to say. The headline, the next day, read 'Ten - dead - in - tragic - Staten - Island - Ferry - accident.' All I can think is, that headline could have been very different. It could have said, 'ELEVEN dead'. If it weren't for this young lady here, it would have said 'ELEVEN dead'. I just can't get that out of my head. That it could have said ELEVEN. But it only said TEN. My son would have been that one more, making it not TEN. But ELEVEN." And on and on like that, for a while.
Tragedy not withstanding, clearly all she could think of when listening to this was "most amplifiers only go to ten, right? But look at this. This one goes to ELEVEN." "What's wrong with ten?" "But this one goes to ELEVEN."
She's a horrible person, and she knows it. She really is glad the accident wasn't one deader.
Posted by The Twins at 09:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 19, 2003
Nudge, nudge, say no more
This weekend was fuller'n a bladder on St. Patty's Day. Since Girl-E's mom reads the blog, we held off on sharing the plan to get a number of her relatives and bestest buddies from college to come up from along the Eastern Seaboard for a surprise 60th partay. Since people had varied travel plans, there were four separate surprise appearances, shrieking and hugging and drinking all around. Good times.
Today Girl-E and mom headed with aunt and cousin to watch the Head of the Charles, but given the weather spent much of the time buying Harvard paraphernalia like good little tourists. Girl-E also slipped away to another audition, which went fairly well, but given her current pessimistic phase we won't say much on that either way.
Tonight, Girl-E's present to her mom was to go see Eric Idle, who happened to be performing this evening in town. About 80 percent of the show was old Python material. Now, there is no doubt that no one would bother to go see Eric Idle if they are not a Python fan, and of course the audience would have left in a huff if deprived of I Like Chinese or The Lumberjack Song. But one kind of hopes that seeing as Eric is supposedly an inherently funny person, he could come upwith a little new material to keep us interested in him as an individual. But it was funny anyway, and I suppose that is the age-old dilemma for entertainers in their post-post-prime era. He did have a new song about the filthy pictures in the Getty Museum, and a national anthem called "We're Better Than You Are".
Oh and yeah, the dorkitude meter in that theater was going off the freaking charts. But what can you do.
Posted by The Twins at 09:52 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 17, 2003
Hippo Birdie Two Ewes
Today, for the third time in her life*, Girl-E is officially a multiple of 9. We of course are roughly half that age, but we have wisdom beyond our years. Her mom, whose 60th is next week, is flying in from Cali tonight for her annual birthdays visit.
In other news, the subway was overflowing this morning with rowers in town for Head of the Charles. Thank god we don't also have the World Series in town this weekend. Ha.
*Fine, fourth time if you count zero, you dork.
Posted by The Twins at 09:52 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 16, 2003
Shudder
If they really want to be effective, the "defenders" who oppose gay marriage should just bombard the masses with this. Blech.
Posted by The Twins at 04:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Uhhhh...
Girl-E had a very strange dream last night that Bill Clinton died, and she was devistated. But that's not all-- apparently, right before he died, he stormed a clubhouse of some kind that had lots and lots of framed photographs on the walls, and took an axe (an axe?) to all the pictures of white men, leaving only the women and minorities unscathed. Then he died mysteriously, it's under investigation. Yeah, analyze away.
Posted by The Twins at 10:02 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
The...pain... in... the chest...
MAD, HOT, CONVULSIVE, HYSTERICAL SOBBING. ARGGGHHHHHH!!
Why we have been cursed in our lives with being only Padres and Red Sox fans is a sad, sad mystery.
Posted by The Twins at 09:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 11, 2003
It all comes back to the rock
After a long absence, Girl-E went to Punk Rock Aerobics today. The coolness of this particular activity can hardly be described. We'll let you peruse the website for details, but let's just highlight a few elements: the whole thing is done to 80s punk rock, they use bricks for free weights, and the workout includes "puss-ups". The best part about it is that the instructors are totally disorganized, like any self-respecting punk rocker should be, and it's awesome.
After PRA, Girl-E met The Dude and some friends at a bar to watch the Sox game. So it didn't turn out exactly as planned, but there was some redemption. Martinez punching Zimmer in the face was especially entertaining, particularly when they kept putting the camera on Zimmer with his little bandaid across the bridge of his nose. Also, between innings, the bar would switch off the TV audio and turn on music. Girl-E began to notice that the bar seemed to be angling for some award for the most cliched bar songs; Pour Some Sugar on Me, Sweet Caroline, and You Shook Me All Night Long played in succession. A friend challenged her to guess the next song, and she decided that the odds were quite high for Dead or Alive. Boom. That almost made up for the Sox' loss. Not really, but it was pretty dope.
And by the way, we're a little drunk right now, hence we acknowledge the above lacks any degree of humor or catchy turn of phrase whatsoever. So what, and screw you. Good night.
Posted by The Twins at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 10, 2003
TGITDW
Thanks going out to Christopher Columbus for the upcoming much needed three-day weekend. Thanks also to the folks below for the words of kind support regarding Girl-E's freak out. She still has that dull nauseous post-cryfest feeling but is trying to change her latitude, as the good folks at Corona would say. She also has that linear, check-list kind of personality that, despite a smug superiority complex, makes her have absolutely no qualms about seeing a therapist. Because hey, that's what they're there for, to fix that there right up.
There are many good things about working at a large university, one of them being that it is total one-stop shopping for everything. Books, aerobics classes, doctors, subsidized subway passes, massage therapy, discounted car insurance, shiatsu, adoption services, shrinks. All in a three-block radius and exclusively available to university affiliates. Shwing.
A number of feel-good plans for the weekend, including a trip to Provincetown and a county fair. Disappointed to hear the warning from Girl-C not to eat the fried pickles no matter how good they look, but I'm sure we'll find something.
Posted by The Twins at 10:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 09, 2003
Sane
There are hidden dangers in being one of the most well-adjusted people on earth. You toodle along, taking blips in stride, confident that it's not you it's them, smugly looking down on people who can't get their shit together and logically, healthily deal with their stupid problems. Then you hit a patch of inexplicable depression, infinitely more depressing because horrifyingly, you can't logically, healthily deal with your stupid problems. So you stay home from work because the thought of leaving the house makes you weep uncontrollably.
It is really quite a burden to be so even-keeled.
Posted by The Twins at 09:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 08, 2003
Flashdance
It is a drop-dead gorgeous day today in Boston. Inspired, Girl-E virtuously spent her lunch hour at a noon kickboxing class. She believes she deserves extra kudos because she wore a skirt and nylons to work today, and obviously credit is due for overcoming the extra degree of clothes-changing difficulty. She left the campus gym, blood pumping, oxygen flowing, endorphins activated, tra la la. She stepped out into the sunshine, and joyously realizing she did not need her jacket, stopped to remove it and fold it in her bag. A beautiful young Indian girl stopped beside her and said "excuse me...", and Girl-E thought "oh how lovely to be able on this fine day to help this young girl with whatever advice or directions she might need," and the girl continued "um... your zipper is... um..."
At least the guys in the weightroom right outside the women's locker room had some lunchtime entertainment. And at least the damn Diet Pepsi Slurpee machine worked today.
Posted by The Twins at 02:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Hell in a handbasket
Arnold is the Governator. Roy was mauled by one of his precious tigers, ending an entertainment dynasty. The controversy surrounding the escaped gorilla is not his unjust captivity, but the fact that an idiot radio commentator compared him to an inner-city student. Bush is still president, and a suspicious Karl Rove look-alike turned up at karaoke last night. Johnny Damon is likely out for the rest of the post-season (however long that lasts). They're finally considering lifting the ban on Sunday alcohol sales in Massachusetts, and it actually might not go through because of opposition from the liquor store owners who want a guaranteed day off. Did we mention that ARNOLD SCHWARTZENEGGER is now in charge of the sixth largest economy in the world? Yeah. Dire.
Posted by The Twins at 09:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 07, 2003
TOTAL RECALL
Our extensive* research shows that this headline has, inexplicably, not yet been used in California recall coverage. Our theory is that the media outlets have calluded to hold it until Arnie wins, and come 10pm PDT it will be every frickin where. Let's hope we never find out. Ha.
* research has, in fact, been rather perfunctory, but still.
Posted by The Twins at 08:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 06, 2003
Hi, we're every Boston blog right now
WOOOOOOO! DE-REK LO-WE, CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!! DE-REK LO-WE, CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!!
Look out Yankees, we're gonna kick yer....er... hold you for at least 5 games... yeah.
Posted by The Twins at 11:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Fall into the Gap
Girl-E just finished a project, warranting a nice big checkmark on the to-do list. To-do lists are a particular pride and specialty of hers, and her checkmarks have quite a flourish. Anyway, she finished the thing 35 minutes before a big lunch meeting. Clearly, one can do nothing with only 35 minutes, especially the bleary-eyed 35 minutes before lunch. One can also do nothing in the 35 minutes before scheduled phone call, or the 55 minutes before 5:00. I mean, really, one needs mental space to be truly productive, unrestrained by the knowledge of a fast approaching commitment or quittin' time. Seriously, people should be paid extra for even being available to coworkers during these periods that by all accounts are not useful for anything but shopping, blogging, balancing one's checkbook, and making to-do lists.
Posted by The Twins at 12:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 05, 2003
Send the mothership
Girl-E is in a Sunday Funk. Due probably to a nauseating cold, pessimism about how her audition went, and the feeling that there are all kinds of things she should be doing with her Sunday afternoon if she had the energy to do them and if she could think of what they might be. The idea of going to work tomorrow is a pretty big buzzkill too. Today's Red Sox win to tie the series was super, but such collective joys don't do much for one so preoccupied with her own non-problems.
Anyway, we hope to report an enhanced mood sometime in the next few days, but for now, funk funk funk.
Posted by The Twins at 05:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Bleary revisited
4:45am, sleepless. Crappy, phlegmy. One would think one could sleep peacefully on cold medicine and vodka tonics. Red Sox won in the 11th, hallelu. Learned to play bass line of With or Without You today. Need to work on repertoire for C's all-girl Smiths tribute band, three songs prolly won't do it. Girlfriend in a Coma is fun as hell though. Almost just wrote fun ass hell. Have audition tomorrow (today), hope they're looking for someone with a stuffy, sneezy vocal quality. As expected, wavering about swim practice in the morning (in 4 hours). Promised self would not waver about swim practice, would go, dammit. Can't get Tracy Chapman out of head, not a bad choice as artists-squatting-in-your-head go, but still contributing to the sleepless thing. Must go lie on side and drain. 4:58am.
Posted by The Twins at 04:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 02, 2003
Chatter
OH MY GOD. NO ONE IN THIS OFFICE WORKS. The reception desk is like the water cooler, only there is no water and the chitchat gathering lasts for 6.75 of the 8 working hours. There is nothing we do not now know about surprisingly reasonable new restaurants, embarrassing bathroom incidents, and knee fat. Girl-E rarely participates, but is forced into earshot due to the proximity of her office door, which she could close, but there goes the cross-breeze. Now they're doing the whispering thing again. Psspsspss.
Clearly, these ladies are unfamiliar with the many ways to sit quietly at your desk and not work. Maybe Girl-E should give a seminar.
Posted by The Twins at 03:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Ow, hee, the Diet Coke burns the nostrils
Ok, so yet again we have nothing to add to anything except to send you the way of Adam Felber, whose summary of the candidates has us in verifiable fits. Check out the entries on the main page about the CIA leak thing, too. Priceless shit.
Posted by The Twins at 02:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
The dogs, Smithers
How very, very in-ter-est-ing. Worlds colliding can spontaneously produce oodles of sadistic amusement. Through the mysterious acts of the Transcontinental Association of Coincidence Fates, the Silly Evil People who employed Girl-E in Turkey are now attempting to cultivate and benefit from a relationship with her current employer. The S.E.P. have no idea that she works there, and that she has constant contact with the Powers That Be. The P.T.B. know nothing about the S.E.P., and have only Girl-E to go to for information.
Did we mention that the S.E.P. owe her a large sum of money that, now that she is out of the country, they are claiming they don't? And that the money conflict is only the latest in a long line of Silly, Evil behavior?
So yeah, we suppose this is an instance where it would be a good idea to brush up on the basic principles of professional ethics before proceeding. Because the impulse to run around the halls on a slanderous free-for-all is quite strong.
Posted by The Twins at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 01, 2003
Same difference
Oxymoron!! The word we were looking for was oxymoron. One normally exceedingly smart reader suggested anachronism, but an anachronism is something out of time, like in a movie. For example, the black man carrying the boombox playing Funkytown through Ancient Rome in History of the World. Although that was intentional. Or better, in Spy Game, which is supposed to take place in the early 1980s but has Brad Pitt wearing a blue Padres cap, when everybody knows that the San Diego colors were brown and orange during that period. As a makeup exam, please write a 200 word essay addressing the question "Why Kirk Douglas has 1960 hair in Spartacus, and what this tells us about that period in American cultural history".
Anyway, for a good list of oxymorons, go here.
Posted by The Twins at 12:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack