« November 2003 | Main | January 2004 »

December 28, 2003

Hurry with that nog already!

No time to write! Must whisk up and down Eastern Seaboard for holiday family time! Must unpack from New Jersey and pack for New Hampshire! We love vacation, so relaxing!!!

Posted by The Twins at 12:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 23, 2003

Vocal chicken feathers

So last night Girl-E and Girl-C went in for some session work. We say it like that so you will think that they are very, very cool. They recorded some backing vocals for a Christmas blues number written by a team of musician brothers, one of whom was the bass player in their old band. They've worked with these guys before, and they are sweethearts on a stick, but it is generally a guaranteed suppress-your-giggle-fest.

Big Brother is a quirky, vaguely droopy music professor with a bit of a studder who wears Mr. Rogers cardigans and plays about 16 instruments. Little Brother is a middle-aged systems engineer dating a 20-something girl who wants to play his music so bad it's visible. They are both absolutely brilliant and write great music. The only thing being that they also love to sing their music, listening to which is quite the experience. Little Brother sounds like he's got it perfect in his head, it just can't quite come out his mouth that way. Big Brother sounds like he's about 85 years old, a survivor of time and sorrow and countless thousands of cigarettes. Which is why it's a bit jarring when halfway through the song, girlie harmonies come sweeping in as if Country Crock launched an all-out assault on burnt toast. Big Brother's overall comment was that they made vocal chicken salad out of vocal chicken feathers. Hmmm... profound...

Posted by The Twins at 10:12 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 20, 2003

Holiday, celebrate, it would be so nice.

The bad news is that Girl-E accidentally threw out the jelly bracelets. Idiot. The good news is that Christmas in Toyland was the dopest. Thanks to Girl-C and her hot toddies, everyone was in the finest of holiday spirits. The Shera dolls didn't hurt either. A definite highlight was the arrival of Hilatron, which along with her fabulousness and her gingersnaps, also included the delivery of Girl-E's Monster Stocking order. It's going to be the furriest and scariest of Christmases. Anyway, some pix:

Monster Stockings!
MonsterSocks.JPG

Deena Gabi and Christine Lea taking it in
Cabbies.JPG

My Little Pony and Carrie Fisher (we are not prepared at the moment for a discussion of the Star Wars Holiday Special-- those of you who have seen it will understand)
pony.JPG

Megatron!
Megatron.JPG

And for the hell of it, Ellis and his latest project
EllisBox.JPG

Posted by The Twins at 02:16 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 19, 2003

The more you ignore me, the closer I get

So while we've only had three votes on the movie hookie today, two for and one against, we're going to add our two votes to the "yea" category so that Girl-E's afternoon cavort with William H. Macy is approved by a substantial margin.

By the way, the need to hear at least four songs from Suedehead is a perfectly legitimate reason to remain browsing in a trendy clothing store. Afterall, if it weren't for the second time around, she wouldn't have spotted the jelly bracelets. It's also okay to sing along at an audible volume with the most Moz-worthy angst.

We do feel kind of bad, if it weren't for us, she would have easily been able to purchase and wear that pink baby-tee that said "San Diego Sparkles," which would have been perfect for tonight's Christmas in Toyland party, seeing as she was a little girl in San Diego who wore a lot of pink. But we thwarted that in a jiffy.

Posted by The Twins at 03:42 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Yea or Nay

We're taking a vote: being the Friday before Christmas, with her boss in the Hamptons, should Girl-E sneak out for a 4:20pm show of The Cooler?

Posted by The Twins at 12:54 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Toys in Babeland

As is her nearly daily practice, Girl-E pushed snooze unknowingly for 105 minutes this morning, lept out of bed murmuring "shit... shit... shit" at two second intervals, and stood in the middle of her bedroom contemplating just how overrated showers are. This morning's verdict was "quite". It was actually not work she was late for this time, but her weekly Old School Family Restaurant Breakfast Date with Girl-C. Work can wait. Omelets can not. Luckily, Girl-C's power had gone out overnight, so they arrived with groggy glee at exactly the same time.

Another complicating factor to the morning ablutions this morning was the need to bring necessary items for Girl-C's Christmas in Toyland party tonight. Promises of Transformers, My Little Ponies, and wine mean you don't have ask her twice. So, Girl-E's 15-minute preparation included about 7 minutes spent in the attic, murmuring shit... shit... shit..., tossing things about willy-nilly in search of the box labeled "millions of stuffed animals". While she didn't find that box (furtive glance at The Dude who's been trying to offload it for years), she did find the most important thing, which was her box of Cabbage Patch Kids. Including tote bag full of clothes. Only four of the original eight were in the box (shut up, really), but we're not going to worry about that at the moment. So she grabbed three, threw them in a bag and rushed out the door.

Have we mentioned she's 27?

Anyway, when she was finally safely on the moving train, she noticed Christine Lea's sandy-colored yarn-covered head peering out of the bag, and thought oh lord, what are all these people going to think about a grown woman schlepping around Cabbies? Then she realized that they wouldn't think twice about it-- they would assume she was taking them to donate to needy children for Christmas. Ha and ha.

Posted by The Twins at 10:08 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 18, 2003

Chestnuts roasting

You know your employer rocks when you go to the Holiday Luncheon and the room is filled with TV screens of various sizes showing a crackling fire. And the lady who works down the hall is playing "Send in the Clowns" on the harp.

Posted by The Twins at 01:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 17, 2003

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Bloggers often make reference to the quirkier Google searches that bring strangers to their pages. We have not usually paid much attention to this, but lately we've noticed that more hits than usual are coming from searches rather than other blogs. The interesting part is that we can't for the life of us figure out how some of these particular searches led here (or why and what the hell these folks were looking for). So to see if you can help us figure it out, the following is the list of searches that, just today, brought new friends to the Boo-blog:

"breast reduction" + homecoming

fucked + un + guestroom + before + he + came + home + LA

"people who eat dirt"

Salmon + "face lifts"

"her ankle" + bandage + ace

iranian + blog + SWF

moist + cunty

sledgehammer + cue

"how come you are a hoe"

"slim fast" + soup + philosophy

Posted by The Twins at 05:51 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

December 16, 2003

Forgive me, friends, acquaintances, and sales clerks, for I have sinned

While harboring her own brand of superiority complex, Girl-E has an over-developed sense of empathy, and therefore penchant for constant guilt. It makes her physically ill to anger, disappoint or inconvenience anyone, and while she's not one of those annoying martyr people who will never choose to do so, it makes her awash with repentance. If she forgets to ask for milk with her coffee, thereby sending a waiter back to the kitchen, she falls over herself apologizing. If she makes plans with a friend and then has to cancel for any reason besides emergency room admittance, she considers naming her first born after them.

This morning, she had to send an email (because she never would have made it through a phone call alive) which is very likely going to seriously disappoint if not outright anger someone. She had committed to starting a new musical project with a girl whom she liked immediately and really clicked with, and they had been talking and meeting and planning excitedly over the past few months. For a variety of reasons we won't get into, she made the decision this weekend not to move forward with it. However, this would not just be like turning down a job offer; backing out of this is likely to essentially end a new friendship. Beyond that, the guilt that she did this sort of out of the blue and this girl will have to start from scratch is ripping at her soul. There are certain instances in which Girl-E is expertly capable of looking out for Number One, but this kind of thing just kills her dead.

She has no idea why she is like this, other than the fact that relationships with people are her lifeblood, and jeopardizing them to any degree sends her spinning with agony. Besides the guilt, another downside of this is that she has a hard time when others aren't equally writhing when they disappoint her. However, she does realize that it's only because they aren't obsessive-compulsive basketcases, and she doesn't even know what it feels like to hold a grudge.

Anyway, over the course of writing this post, she received and email back from said new friend, which was totally supportive and understanding and forgiving, and she can sort of breathe again. But it doesn't mean she won't feel like the world's biggest asshole until at least the next calendar year.

Posted by The Twins at 11:08 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 15, 2003

Christians are funny

Spotted by a friend on a highway billboard in rural South Carolina:

"When Jesus comes, Islam will be Waslam"

Gotta love that downhome Bible Belt hilarity. Fuzzy Waslam was a bear...

Posted by The Twins at 08:28 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Manic Monday

Ok, so, we truly could not have come up with a less original title for today's post. But there's a method to the madness, because we also have absolutely nothing to say today. Well, we take that back, we have lots to say, but the way the brains are functioning today, it would probably come out sounding a bit Joycian and absolutely no one needs that. And we know if we say even one more word about karaoke or yoga you all will throw your computers out the window. And you probably don't want to hear the intricate details of how Girl-E had to run all over campus this morning in the freezing rain to track down some professors who, despite their academic credentials, are at about 2nd grade level in getting their shit together. Oh, and can you believe we caught Saddam? Wow, we just feel so much safer walking the streets now. Have a good one.

Posted by The Twins at 10:26 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 13, 2003

Multiculturalism

Friday nights are tough. Mainly due to the conflict between the feeling of "woo hoo, it's Friday, time to paint the town purple!" and "thank god. Friday. sleep in front of DVD nice." Also, The Dude, as a high school teacher, is usually completely down for the count. He's been known to fall asleep at the booth of a noisy bar surrounded by nine friends. But last night was the finest kind of Friday, where everything was just the perfect medium of activity.

First, Girl-E went straight from work to her first attempt at Hot Power Yoga. This is the most insane thing ever created in the hills of India. Actually, the upscale sportsclubs of India. There are like 70 people mat-to-mat in an immaculate room. They heat the room to 100 degrees. ONE HUNDRED DEGREES. And you work your pathetic lily ass off for 90 minutes. NINETY MINUTES. In ONE HUNDRED DEGREES. If one were to harvest the sweat in that room, it would roughly have filled Walden Pond. It was horrifying. And she's absolutely chomping to do it again as soon as humanly possible.

She then met The Dude and they walked to the most excellent of Vietnamese restaurants. Stuffed their famished maws with rice noodles and peanut sauce and Amstel Light. The fresh spring roll is the finest food ever created. In case you were wondering.

Finally, they walked to a movie theater and saw In America. This was perhaps the greatest movie she has seen in years. You know how all the TV ads say "The number one movie of the year," or "the best movie of the year," blah blah? Well, you know what, Mona Lisa Smile is not the best movie of the year, and neither is Honey. The description of In America as a movie about Irish immigrants doesn't work because it is just so much more. And it has Samantha Morton, that completely creepy Agatha thing from Minority Report. She rules.

Posted by The Twins at 11:50 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 11, 2003

Girlz rule

Dude, Eve Ensler is in the room right next door about to give a lecture. Girl-E is considering going, just because it's probably the only time she'd be able to scream "I love my clitoris!!!" at work.

Posted by The Twins at 03:48 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Dude looks like a lady

Due to the ass-o-rific weather, subway ridership in Boston has skyrocketed this week. We will save our speech about how all those people should take the subway anyway instead of driving their smelly polluting cars, thereby giving the MBTA the revenue to expand service and make the world a better place. Anyway. When one is squished into a subway car to the extent that they don't have the elbow space to read a newspaper, as Girl-E is normally wont to do, one has to come up with alternate activities. This morning, it was to look at random faces and decide whether, out of context of hair, makeup, or apparel, a person's face could, theoretically, be either male or female.

Results of the study pretty solidly indicated that many women's faces could belong to men, but not vice versa. Men are just, well, inherently un-womanly, no matter how pretty they are. But even some good-looking women could pass for cherub-faced men. What was the point of this? We don't know. But do with it what you will. It could be useful in deciding whether to enter that drag talent show.

Girl-E also saw a woman this morning actually wearing a beret and carrying a baguette. Bitchin.

In other news, Girl-E is going to try a class tonight at a studio opened by the yoga master to the stars. She is the Queen of Latest Obsessions, and she accepts only the very best for her compulsive behavior.

Posted by The Twins at 10:19 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 10, 2003

It's so ha-a-a-ard...

We haven't mentioned something we've known about for a few weeks now, because it's too painful. As of Tuesday, December 30th, Mary Beth James will no longer be the host of Mary Mary's All-Star Karaoke.

Girl-E is psyching herself up for the impending desperate sense of loss. What will life be like without Mary's kind, supportive encouragement, her playful banter, her gorgeous bangs? Is there anyone else in the world who can look cool by marching in place with her hand to her head in salute, to pretty much any song ever recorded? And what about her ecclectic willingness to start the night off with anything from Springsteen to Minogue? There is no way the new guy is going to fill her sneakers. He'll probably do Aerosmith and Bon Jovi songs every week. Maybe the occassional rendition of "Chocolate Salty Balls" for laughs.

We do understand Mary's decision, however. When you've enjoyed her local celebrity status for over four years, doing the same thing every week with the same loveable but clingy karaoke zealots, it may be time to branch out. One person only has so much love to give.

Girl-E has already announced to her family that she'll be coming home from skiing one day early to attend the farewell bash. She and Girl-C are already scheduling rehearsals for their duet of "The Girl Is Mine," during which they will of course be fighting over Mary. Dibs on Paul, by the way.

Posted by The Twins at 10:33 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 08, 2003

Edumacation

Being in the field of education, Girl-E knows that vast amounts of learning take place outside of a structured schooling environment, and meaningful learning can be life-long. For example, this weekend was quite developmentally enriching, in that she learned all of the following:

- 72% of the Earth's surface is covered in gigantic piles of snow.

- Tights and longjohns and windpants worn simultaneously provide notably better protection than longjohns and jeans.

- Contrary to popular belief, you can ski down stairs.

- Girls raised in Southern California should think very carefully before marrying boys from New England, no matter how cute they are.

- If foolish enough to marry said New England boy, girls raised in Southern California should be absolutely certain that this boy experiences some sort of inexplicably twisted joy from shovelling not only one's own sidewalk, but all the way down the street.

- Large trucks going down steep hills during a vicious snow storm can not physically stop, even if you have the green light, moron.

- No matter how beautiful it is, a snowflake in the eyeball hurts like a mother fucker.

- Yoga rules.

Posted by The Twins at 12:34 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

December 06, 2003

The view from our window

white.bmp

Posted by The Twins at 11:39 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 04, 2003

Dear asshole,

Yes, you, the cocksucker who broke into Girl-E's inlaws' house and stole all of The Dude's mom's jewelry. All of it. From her whole life. Just dumped it in a duffle bag and scurried off.

WE HOPE YOU CRASH YOUR CAR AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND DUMPS YOU AND YOU GET HERPES AND YOU GET FIRED FROM YOUR SHITTY-ASS JOB AND YOUR LANDLORD EVICTS YOU AND YOU LOSE A BAR FIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND'S BEST FRIEND WHO YOU WANT TO GET WITH AND YOUR MOM FORGETS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND THE HOOKER TURNS OUT TO BE A DUDE.

Merry fucking Christmas,
Leto & Roz

Posted by The Twins at 08:51 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

The E-ster, makin' copies

Yesterday, Girl-E's big boss people had a very important meeting for which Girl-E was preparing some materials. When she took them to the copy machine, the receptionist JoAnn was making copies of other materials for the meeting, so Girl-E went to another office to do it. When she returned, JoAnn said "oh I'm so sorry I was making other copies! Do you want me to do them for you now?" When Girl-E replied that it was ok, she'd taken them across the hall, no worries, JoAnn's eyes widened in fear and she apologized profusely.

So the point of that uninteresting story is to say that it hit Girl-E for the first time that she has now reached the point in her career where she is not the person who makes copies. Which seems a bit ridiculous, because she quite skilled copying her own crap, and feels no pretentions that the 45-year-old behind the desk should be the default lackey just because she doesn't have a master's degree. Girl-E has noticed that when a coworker has a document that she wants, the coworker will inevitably say "sure, no problem, I'll ask JoAnn to make a copy." Ask JoAnn to make a copy? Maybe JoAnn is busy making your lunch reservations, or answering the phone, or is in a crucial stage of a computer game. Who are you to throw one measly piece of paper on her desk and ask her to get up and copy it at the machine that you are currently standing closer to?

Girl-E does realize that there are times when having a subordinate to do mundane tasks is helpful to productivity, but it's the assumed class-system that is annoying. But then again she's also the kind of person who feels guilty when a waitress pours her water. Or maybe she misses the days of mindless work, because now she has to think a lot, and it's a drag. Whatever, she has a meeting with mucky-mucks right now to which she plans to contribute absolutely nothing. Ta.

Posted by The Twins at 10:49 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 02, 2003

Character Actor of the Week

Some character actors are expertly annoying, some hilarious, and some you just want to take home and take big bites out of. Such it is with this week's winner.

Character Actor of the Week for 11/30-12/6: Erik Per Sullivan

dewey.jpg

Don't deny it, you know you want to adopt Dewey. He's weird and adorable, even as he's grown from munchkin to pre-teen. Remember that one where he set his hamster free into the world in a plastic rolly-ball, and then Dewey imagined himself walking down the street in a Dewey-sized plastic rolling ball? Or just last week when he conned a sales clerk for a free jar of sauce by coughing and twitching and saying that "my parents say this is going to be a very special Thanksgiving, but I don't know why"? Anyway, yeah, priceless shit.

What you might not know about Erik is that his mother is a Swedish cocktail waitress, and his dad owns a Mexican restaurant outside of Worcester, MA, and Erik has a high-functioning form of autism which makes it impossible for him to function socially and he's a black-belt in Tai Kwan Do. So yeah, we'll just love him from afar.

Posted by The Twins at 09:41 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack