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November 01, 2004

Center of Mass.

As many of you know, Girl-E grew up in San Diego, California, where most people are the worst kind of conservative (apathetic, enlisted), whose central voting issue is gas prices (and yet they can't look beyond the liberal policy of "tax" to the conservative policy of "crusade blindly against the people who sell us the oil" to figure out whom not to vote for), and "weather" is something they've only seen on television, as are schools with indoor hallways.

We generalize, of course (except for the last part; Girl-E figured it must be cheaper to film in that setting because real schools obviously did not look like that -- one building? With floors? and tile?). But somewhere in the depths of her psyche she knew she would end up in the East, where people rode subways and bitched about the cold. She was born for both. Her four years in New Jersey could have been in a biosphere for all she knew, because her university was almost eerily insular. But the past six years in Boston (minus the one in Istanbul) have been something approximating real life, and confirmed all her suspicions about cultural variables.

For a while, it was mostly about public transportation and storm windows. And of course the dramatically greater number of Democrats and people with Ph.D.s. But this year things have been different; this year, we can say without hesitation that in 2004, Massachusetts is, in fact, the hub of the universe, where all progress and reward resides. No seriously. The Patriots win the Super Bowl. Gay marriage, for reals. The Red Sox defy all known history and win 8 straight games in the post-season after being down 0-3. The DNC brings us a truckload of movie stars. Joey McIntyre released a new album with favorable reviews. And our senator is the Democratic nominee for President of the United States.

Now, it's natural that one might be a bitterpants about all this and choose to repeatedly slam our Commonwealth in, say, a presidential debate. But as Bill Maher pointed out this weekend, not only is it kinda shitty for the President to pick on one of the states by name, there would be no America without Massachusetts (and Texas was actually fairly counterproductive).

So, not that we want to jinx anything tomorrow, but the only consistent thing would be for Massachusetts to win the big one tomorrow. The Pats did lose this weekend after 21 straight wins, just to show we're regular people. But really, this is the year. Kerry has some issues, sure, but he's our only hope for not going the way of the Roman Empire. So tomorrow, registered voters of America, let's give it all to the Liberal Senator from Massachusetts. Remember that ugly tax on your tea, and slavery. C'mon, we deserve it.

Posted by The Twins at November 1, 2004 10:44 AM

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Comments

Posted by: nikita at November 1, 2004 03:41 PM

Posted by: Jess at November 1, 2004 04:24 PM

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Posted by: aaron at November 2, 2004 10:13 AM

Posted by: aaron at November 2, 2004 10:13 AM

Posted by: kate at November 2, 2004 11:15 AM