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August 23, 2004

They do love their hyphens

As you may recall us mentioning recently, Girl-E has just started writing eBay auction ads for a dealer of antique magazines/newspapers/journals. Her boss warned her that the journals are tempting to read, and it's great if she finds them interesting, but taking too much time reading them will add countless hours to her work. And she tried her damndest to avoid this trap while working on the first batch this past week, but the inarguable truth is that Americans in the 1880s were just knee-slappin' hilarious.

In the twenty-issue batch of this particular publication, highly respected by the well-educated and well-off, one can find such gems as:

"Do Cabbages Have Brains?"

A prominent professor's discovery that the Pyramids were weathered into their shapes, the appearance of brickwork caused by layers of sediment.

A gentleman's alarm at the generally disgusting and ignorant state of the 'masses of the people,' and an encouragement to his fellow readers to try to reform them through kindliness and patience.

A member of the Princeton Glee Club's uncanny ability to sing a 'darkie' song with remarkable accuracy in dialect, for which he earned much praise.

A progressive piece asserting that perhaps the Indians are not 'vermin to be exterminated'.

Countless jokes at the expense of Oscar Wilde.

Advertisements for:
-Dr. Scott's Electric Corset, Electric Girdle, Electric Hair Brush, Electric Sock Garters
-A home decoration known as the 'Darkie Cabbage', in which a shining darkie face peers out through something shaped like a cabbage (???)
-Adams & Westlake’s Non-Explosive Oil Stove
-The Anti-Stylograph
-Sweet Bouquet Cigarettes
-Cuticura cure for skin and blood disease

Of course there were also serial novels by Trollope, Collins, Hardy, and other Victorian contemporaries for whom Girl-E would normally be batty, but who has time when there's the 'Woman Question' to worry about?

Posted by The Twins at August 23, 2004 01:43 PM

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Comments

Was "Dr. Scott's Electric FLESH Brush" in there? I remember hearing about that somewhere. :)

Posted by: aaron at August 23, 2004 01:57 PM

Omigod it was! Dang, how could I have forgotten THAT?

Posted by: EV at August 23, 2004 01:59 PM

In case you're curious: http://www.americanartifacts.com/smma/advert/ay34.htm

And PS - it seems a little far-fetched, but that thing about the pyramids could totally be true. I've got a limestone deposit near my house and one morning after a furious overnight hailstorm, I went out on my morning constitutional only to discover that the limestone had been carved into a PERFECT likeness of the guy who played "Cousin Larry" on Perfect Strangers. So it could have happened.

Posted by: aaron at August 23, 2004 02:08 PM

I WANT AN ELECTRIC CORSET.

Posted by: nikita at August 27, 2004 11:38 AM