July 22, 2004

You know what mama said about looking gift donkeys in the mouth

Apparently, the people who give a flying crap about these things are scoffing at the contents of the gift bags being given to delegates at the Democratic National Convention this weekend. These discriminating folks are exclaiming that, after all the "Celebrate Boston 2004" committee's hoopla about shaking up Boston's cranky ol' image, everyone will be disappointed with a gift of razors, craisins, and Kraft macaroni and cheese shaped like donkeys.

All we have to say to these ladies and gentlemen is PEOPLE: FREE KRAFT DINNER. Shaped like DONKEYS.

If we could handpick the contents of our all-time dream goody bag, you bet your ass it would have craisins and Donkey Kraft. And sure, everyone can always use a few extra razors. But HELLO?? You're cranky about DONKEY KRAFT?? Did someone drop you on your head? You should be so lucky as to get the BEST PROCESSED FOOD PRODUCT ON EARTH for FREE, let alone shaped like DONKEYS.

Listen, if you don't want your delicious cheesy donkeys, we'll have them. Seriously, if you don't appreciate the bounty you have been so generously given, you don't deserve them. You know, there are a lot of starving kids living in urban blight who would be more than thrilled to eat your donkeys. Aren't you supposed to be *Democrats*? We can see some asshole Republican dismissing elephant mac 'n' cheese as bourgeois, but good god, be proud of your Donkey Mac, for reals. Think of what you could do with your donkeys and some frozen peas. What else are you going to do with that last can of tuna? It's KRAFT MACARONI AND CHEESE, people. Shaped like DONKEYS. Given to you from the bottom of Terry McAuliffe's heart. And you think it lacks pizzaz.

Really sad. Michael Dukakis will be so disappointed in you.

Posted by The Twins at July 22, 2004 10:52 AM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:


What asses.

Posted by: nikita at July 22, 2004 01:16 PM

It should be shaped like Dukakis.

Posted by: Jeff at July 22, 2004 01:51 PM

it fills me with mule-tide joy.

Posted by: bryan at July 22, 2004 02:01 PM

geez adams... really now

Posted by: EV at July 22, 2004 02:08 PM

I want donkey mac & cheese and I don't even like mac & cheese!

Posted by: srah at July 22, 2004 02:15 PM

Maybe they prefer Hamburger Helper?

Posted by: snowy at July 22, 2004 02:57 PM

let it never be said that liberals are elitists

this post rocks my world off its axis

Posted by: kate at July 22, 2004 04:31 PM

I want Kraft Dinner so badly after reading this.

Posted by: Jess at July 22, 2004 05:44 PM