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July 12, 2004
Dear Rachel,
We are embarrassed. Really, there is no excuse for that kind of behavior, and at your wedding and everything. We realize that you were otherwise occupied and are currently blissfully ignorant of all that was going on under the tent, but that will change when you develop the table cameras. Although you may begin to suspect something when you find the one that's singed around the edges and covered with lipstick kisses. We are fresh out of excuses for Girl-E and her companions-- they weren't even that drunk. But rest assured they will have a talking-to.
In retrospect, though, you probably could have prevented it. The centerpieces were indeed lovely, but you may possibly have wanted to think twice about the floating votives. It really should go without saying that open flame + wedding guests = security threat. Just keep in mind that you will probably be able to laugh ten years from now when you look at the pictures they took of the things they burned.
The square mirror under the centerpiece was also a risk-- heavy, sharp-edged, breakable? However, the photo of the water pitcher being emptied upon it was beautiful in a way, and hopefully one day you will come to appreciate its artistic genius. The damage to Girl-E's shoes was a small price to pay.
Now that we think about it, you are entirely responsible. How could they not have made such use of the tools you so carelessly put at their disposal? Sure, you had no control over the guy who paced back and forth across the lawn while talking on his cell phone for the first half hour of your reception, and then whipped out his Blackberry for the next 15, and then left. Some people are just assholes, there's nothing you can do. But the arson, that was entirely avoidable. Consider yourself lucky that no one lost any hair or expensive clothing. You were one beer-poured-on-the-candles-for-shits-and-giggles away from a lawsuit, girlfriend.
All our love and congratulations,
Leto & Roz
Posted by The Twins at July 12, 2004 09:48 AM
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Comments
forgive them girl-e for they know not what they do...
;-)
Posted by: snowy at July 12, 2004 04:56 PM