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October 14, 2004
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Girl-E is in one of those periods where she doesn't exactly have enormous pressing responsibilities of a global scale, but where 10,000 little things seem to be nipping at her heels like the backing violins in Destiny's Child's "Survivor". It's hard to know where to start in these situations, because nothing alone seems urgent even if everything together does. So to help her get organized, we have created a clear to-do list for the next three days:
- Pay your credit card bill online after your paycheck comes through on Friday. Then cut your card in half.
- Go through the boxes in the basement. Maybe you'll be motivated to actually read a book for the first time in six months if you have something on your shelf besides Jem and the Holograms "Startin' Out" and a Harper's Weekly.
- You're never going to catch that damn bird without a decent strategy, so stop trying and go back to Celadon City for some more lemonades or your Pokemon are going to lose all their Hit Points before you even get through to the other side of the Power Plant.
- Practice your bass for 30 minutes each day. If you can't remember what that is, it's the blue thing next to your bed you keep hitting your knee against. If you're wondering why it's not making any sound, it's because you need to plug it into the amp, which is that black box. And the excuse that you can't find your bow isn't relevant.
- Buy a new alarm clock. Quit bitching that yours is a piece of shit, an average of 14 snooze hits a day was bound to make it start running 45 minutes fast every 24 hours at some point.
- Do one section of a practice GRE. The last time you took it was 7 years ago, and if you think you're going to go in there next month and magically remember the Pythagorian Theorem you are cockier nitwit than we thought.
- Those paintings you bought three weeks ago are pretty, but they'd probably look better hanging on your walls than in a pile on the floor.
- Write those two concert reviews before the bands break up.
- If you wear that fucking sweater one more time this week we're going to lose our shit. Do your goddam laundry.
- You may get one or two nice birthday presents this weekend, but one of them is not going to be that this shit does itself, you whiny princess bratty-pants.
Posted by The Twins at October 14, 2004 12:53 PM
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Comments
Hey now, you're being a little hard on the Girl, huh? I mean there comes a time in every woman's life where the details get the best of her. Why my credit card tried to drown itself just last week! It left a little carbon-copy note saying "Can't take the interest charges anymore." I'm sure I don't know WHAT could have gotten into it.
Posted by: Hilatron at October 14, 2004 01:37 PM
Maybe I'll get you a Whiny Princess Bratty-Pants action figure.
Posted by: nikita at October 14, 2004 02:44 PM
Get crackin' with Cracking the GRE by The Princeton Review.
For reals.
Posted by: JJ at October 14, 2004 08:14 PM
as long as you're doing laundry can i toss in a few whites? or darks? i mean, whatever you're doing is good. i'm just lookin' to mooch your elbow grease afterall...
:-)
Posted by: snowy at October 14, 2004 09:50 PM