Boo-blog

1) No, but she really IS going out with him.

2) Jason Bateman.

3) Not if you paid me. Or let me go with Jason Bateman.

4) Because humidity ruins everything. Except steamed foods. You kinda need it there.

5) A shovel.

6) She's on the juice.

7) Again, Jason Bateman.

8) Only when I wear corduroy.

9) That depends which "that" you're referring to. My ham sandwich? yes. My stapler? no.

10) Only funny when drunk. (her, not me.)

11) Yes. And I stand firmly...or not so firmly...by this one.

12) God, I hope so. Or I will lose all the faith I have in a higher power.

13) If MK's health isn't what you wish for when you see a falling star or catch an eyelash on your finger, then you have no soul.

14) Was this sarcasm? I think this was sarcasm. Anti-American Terrorist Sarcasm! John! John! Come quick, I got one!

15) what?*

16) You'll find out when I flash you.

17) As many times as you can. In as many ways as possible.

18) A single ray of sunlight, streaming through a multi-cultural prism of love and tolerance, creating the most vibrant rainbow the world has ever seen, and a bright shining glimmer of hope for a better tomorrow, nestled with the wind created by the wingbeat of the dove.

And sausage.

19) I don't think so.

20) Thank the good lord, no.

(PS - love your website.)

* Apparently not.

humidity does not ruin your steam iron but does ruin your hairdo.

pants often shrink spontaneously. i have seen it with my own eyes.

now i want pizza! mmm...

oh yeah. "what-what"(!)

dude, paul bremer likes freedom on his pizza. duh.

1) Alas, yes.
2) Your mom.
3) Your weird aunt who only lets her teenage children watch Disney movies.
4) New England is testing our mettle (and finding us wanting).
5) It would be worse if you knew.
6) She's got what I've got.
7) This one guy, Bob.
8) Yes, but not as much as it did last week.
9) Don't I always?
10) Is she wearing the nun hat? Then yes.
11) That would explain away that "too much cheese and not enough exercise" nonsense other people keep telling me, so I hope so.
12) Surely anyone who survived Full House can survive anything.
13) No gloating allowed, but other than that, pretty damn unconcerned.
14) Huh? Whazzu? *drinks fourtieth beer of the day to celebrate Nation's Birth*
15) You can get it, but you can't get it wrapped.
16) No, it's a kielbasa, silly!
17) Seventy-four.
18) Oh, he's an anchovy man, for sure.
19) What? Not me.
20) Give them a couple weeks.

1) Terrifyingly, it's not. The date is actually May 5, 2094. We're living inside an elaborate computer similation designed to enslave us.
Oh yeah, welcome to the desert of the Real.
2) Only if I can see The Range the following night.
3) Hey, that weird aunt you're refering to sounds suspiciously like my mom.
4) To make your skin dewy. Aren't you feeling dewy?
5) It's me, blowing my nose. Yes, I'm aware of what it sounds like.
6) Anal beads.
7) Mr. Chow Chau.
8) Not at all. It's actually kind of stimulating.
9) (stabs hand with fork)
10) I have no opinion on the Bush twins, except that calling them "the Bush twins" is a sure way to get a porno reference thrown back at you.
11) I think they've been dragging themselves to the tailor about once a week. I actually saw them do it.
12) Lord and Wal Mart willing.
13) I'm more concerned about her coke habit, frankly.
14) Not so vigilent that it will prevent me from drinking 3 Bloody Marys on my flight tomorrow morning, I hope.
15) I fully endorse what-whats for my bitches who ain't got love for brothas without dough.
16) Yes! Isn't it awesome? You know you can also use them as weapons? You should always hold your flashlight above your shoulder, so if someone attacks you in the dark, you can bring it down like a hammer.
17) Exactly once, with gestures.
18) A sprinkling of oregano.
19) YOU did! God!
20) No, but I do know where you can get the best lobster roll in town... but then, so does everyone I know.