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March 24, 2004
Kill her television
To hell with The Today Show, really. First the American Idol sobbing incident and now this. Clearly, it is the goal of all television producers to make supposedly intelligent, self-respecting people just throw in the towel and start buying Celine Dion albums. This morning, Lester (filling in for Matt) interviewed a little girl who won a Sears-sponsored essay contest on the topic "Why I'm proud of the member of my family in the Armed Forces." This 11-year-old beat out 15,000 other kids with the most unimaginative, cliched ditty on how her daddy is making the world safer. Sure it was probably sincere, and sort of well-written for an 11-year-old, but barf. Anyway, after the girl read part of her essay, Lester asked her what was the first thing she would do when her daddy came home after being gone for the better part of a year. "Big hug!", said she. Then, he asked her when her daddy was coming home, and she said four days after she and her mom would get home from New York. "Huh," said Lester, "I think maybe you have some wrong information, because he's here right now!" The ensuing scene was exactly what you would expect, and sadly succeeded in driving both the scoffing Girl-E AND Lester to tears. Then there was the added revelation that since Dad had been gone, Mom had decided to take better care of herself and lost 68 pounds, and wow didn't she look fabulous. This world is going to hell.
In other news, Girl-E is reading 1950s smut, and it's fucking great. The Feminist Press at CUNY has re-released a series of mid-20th century pulp fiction written by women which was steamy and subversive as all get-out but ignored by straight-laced mainstream America because it was sold for 25 cents at gas stations. The title at hand is a lesbian pulp novel with the tagline "small town girls and big city passions collide." So far there's been rape, seduction by beatnik poets and 50 cent lunches at Walgreens, and she's only on page 53. Screw you, Today Show, we'll get our Americana elsewhere.
Posted by The Twins at March 24, 2004 09:44 AM
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Comments
I bet the girls in 3-b would never cry while watching the today show.
Posted by: aaron at March 24, 2004 09:57 AM
You're probably right, they have much more sinister and shameful things to worry about. By the way, did you just frigging know the name of the book I was talking about, or did I tell you? Cuz that's hard core.
Posted by: EV at March 24, 2004 10:03 AM
ok. here's what's going to happen. i'm going to think that you made this post up, which is going to allow me to continue going about my day-to-day life, and you're not going to tell me otherwise. ok? got it?
(please tell me that some tv exec somewhere isn't saying, "yes! extreme makeovers for the wives of troops in iraq! that's brilliant!")
Posted by: bryan at March 24, 2004 11:06 AM
Got it. I made it up, totally. It's part of a project for a class I'm taking on becoming a TV producer, and it totally got an A. Feel better?
Posted by: EV at March 24, 2004 11:07 AM
walgreen's serves lunch? huh.
Posted by: snowy at March 24, 2004 01:55 PM
In the 1950s it did, but of course.
Posted by: EV at March 24, 2004 03:05 PM
Thank God you made the part about television up. I was seriously stressing...
There's still one Walgreens in Louisville that has a diner attached. Back when I ate burgers, I used to get them there. They make a nice fat burger, and they butter the bun and then grill it, which totally made me swoon.
Posted by: Debbie at March 24, 2004 03:06 PM
I apologize, my irony-meter is malfunctioning today-- on the small chance that Debbie seriously thought I made even one word of that TV thing up, I am sad to say that I didn't. It 100% happened, down to the 68 pounds.
Posted by: EV at March 24, 2004 03:10 PM
Zayda worked as a "soda jerk" at Walgreen's for 2.5 years after his father died--12 hour days, six days/week--to support the family until Amy finally remarried. Then he went back and finished high school--and met Grandma. That's where he got his all-time favorite sandwich--ham and peanut butter on raisin bread toast--a featured sandwich of the day that is remarkably tasty!
Posted by: Yo Mama at March 24, 2004 05:11 PM
That'll learn ya to watch network programming. I got a Harlequin novel about werewolves with your name on it, babe.
Posted by: nikita at March 24, 2004 05:54 PM
I'll take smut over sappiness nearly every time.
Posted by: Jules at March 24, 2004 06:34 PM
Dude, I was being ironical and stuff. Apparently, I suck at subtlety...
But, you weren't supposed to tell poor little Bryan Adams that you didn't make it up! He's gonna have bad dreams tonight and that is all on you, missy.
Posted by: Debbie at March 24, 2004 09:05 PM
It's ok, I'm getting him drunk tomorrow night. He'll forget all about it.
Posted by: EV at March 24, 2004 09:40 PM
Okay, a Harlequin novel about werewolves? You must to share the title with me ere I perish.
I highly recommend the YA novel "Blood and Chocolate" by Annette Curtis Klause. It has werewolves and romance and it totally rawks.
Posted by: Jellybean at March 25, 2004 05:09 PM
I have an address book that contains covers of lesbian pulp fiction novels--front and back, so it includes the little summary on the back: "...Can it be true that Marilyn is destined to find happiness only in the arms of another woman?" dun dun DUN! I've been meaning to try and find some of the actual books, but I keep forgetting.
Posted by: Lynn at March 26, 2004 02:53 AM
You guys are good writers. You deserve a wider outlet than this blog for your prose. Really. I mean it. :))
By the way, did they really sell lesbian pulp novels for 25c at gas stations in the 1950s?!?
btyuuu
Posted by: Peter Butler - in the spirit of inquiry at May 15, 2004 04:29 AM