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July 29, 2003

Who you calling a hoe?

Note: The following is adapted from a comment we posted to Snowshoe Crab. We do that occassionally, respond to someone else's blog and then think, "hey, that was the most blogworthy idea we're likely to have in the next 48 hours, might as well reproduce and expand." We figure to come clean, so that if any of the bloggers who inspired the thoughts ever visit, they're not like, "dude, those twins are so lame, they like totally posted the exact same thing on my site today, duh."

So we just returned from a family weekend in New Hampshire, where The Dude's parents have a lovely farmhouse, the perfect base for skiing in the winter and hiking and biking in the summer. Personally, we like it for its compatability with napping and reading books. Girl-E has made a note to self that while a lovely perk, 40 acres of pine forest surrounded by majestic mountains are not essential to vacations of napping and reading, and therefore she can save thousands of dollars in the unlikely event that they ever have the money for a second house. The Dude and any future children may disagree, but it's a starting point.

The New Hampshire house is great because it is always overflowing with beer and garden-fresh vegetables. This is because, well, The Dude's parents love beer, and because there is a very large and fertile vegetable garden behind the house. This garden is a great source of pride for The Dude's parents and the couple they co-own the house with, and so it should be, because the food it produces is all really quite impressive. But while Girl-E is always the enthusiast of eating it when it's in the kitchen, it has been identified that she is not really sufficiently impressed with how it got there. Family trips to tour the garden hold absolutely no draw for her. And while she is appreciative that other people spent full weekends squatted before the bean and arugula seedlings in order to bring bounty to her plate, she would never have even the slightest impulse to do the squatting herself.

The Dude's mom finally discussed the subject with her this weekend, presumably to see whether she can check off "likes to garden" on the list of desirable daughter-in-law attributes. Girl-E is close enough with her mother-in-law that saying what she wants to hear is no longer necessary. So her answer was basically straight along the lines of "never been interested, never will." Her mother-in-law gave her a look you might give someone if they said "I hate black and white movies," and said, "it's probably because you've never tried it."

While there are many things in this world for which this might be an adequate explanation for an aversion, gardening is not one of them. Here are a few iron-clad facts about Girl-E, so you be the judge: While being outside, she hates doing anything that might constitute anything resembling "working". She has bad knees and is so inflexible that she's never once touched her toes. She is rather impatient. Her definition of "blowing off steam" usually involves a beer in one hand and a microphone in the other. Plants have a way of becoming invisible to her; if she receives one as a gift at work, it is inevitable that a colleague will come running into her office after a few months screaming, "I can't stand it anymore!!" and remove the dry, blackened, aphid-infested carcus from her desk. She only makes salads with triple-pre-washed bagged lettuce because greens-preparation takes five minutes that she could be eating, and she was once injured by a salad spinner.

So what do you think, should she try it?

Posted by The Twins at July 29, 2003 11:15 AM

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