« Whatever you do, don't panic | Main | After these messages... »
May 14, 2003
Pant, pant, pant
Of the 2,190 days between 1984-1989, Girl-E spent approximately 1,700 of them filling out self-addressed entry postcards for the Nickelodeon Toys R Us 60-second dash contest. You know, where one supremely lucky child gets to run an empty shopping cart around Geoffrey's paradise dumping in anything they can possibly get their hands on, all while being filmed live for the greatest television network ever. During this time period, her happiness essentially rested on her chances of A) getting in the Guinness Book of World Records for most Cabbage Patch Kids owned by one kid ever, and B) having her own Nintendo so she could practice enough to overcome her innate lack of video game skill and beat that little bragger Tara at SMB. Toward this end, she would time herself running around her room with her Radio Flyer*, scooping up as many of her Barbies, My Little Ponies, Pound Puppies, &c &c, as she could possibly capture. She didn't realize that her luck had been spent after those three straight days when she and her parents filled out 200 postcards in all of their names for tickets to the 1984 National League Playoffs, and hers actually won. The Padres' defeat of the Cubs** that year was a highlight of her youth, but in her secret heart of hearts it didn't take the place of meeting Kevin Kubusheskie*** in person.
We bring this up because the quick reflexes and time management skills developed during those years of training may well come in handy this coming weekend.
Her itinerary: fly from Istanbul to London Thursday morning with cats, have lunch with college friend in Heathrow during 5 hour layover, fly to Boston, collect cats from baggage and customs, take cats to in-laws', go to see foxy friend's band, drink few beers, regurgitate line several dozen times about how Turkey is amazing but she will be ready to come home, return to in-laws' to settle in freaked-out jet-lagged cats and sleep, wake up at o-crack-hundred Friday morning for 6:30 flight, layover in Pittsburgh, fly to San Diego, pick up rental car, go to uncle's house, kiss uncle and mom, nap, look pretty, go to friend's wedding rehearsal, go to rehearsal dinner, go to fancy after-rehearsal-dinner hotel-penthouse party, try not to drink too much because of rental car, return to uncle's, sleep, wake up on Saturday, blow-dry hair for requisite pre-updo straightening purposes, go to friend's house, look pretty again, rehearse Shania Twain **** ballad with string quartet for 10 minutes, sing said ballad, attend to friend's bridal needs, cry hysterically, fix makeup, party like she just don't care, try not to drink too much because of rental car -or- plead with elated bride friend for floor space, drive home -or- collapse on said floor space, wake up Sunday, visit other friend's super adorable baby, visit yet another friend whom she hasn't seen since high school, hang out with mom and uncle, wake up at o-crack-thirty for flight to Boston via layover in Pittsburgh, meet friend for drink at Sam Adams pub in Boston airport, fly to London for slightly less ungodly long layover, land in Istanbul at 4:30 Tuesday afternoon, have deluded nightmares about Wednesday morning half-dead confrontation with evil 7-year-old students, in which she uses a stolen airline blanket to smother the girl who wrote the note today saying she's stupid and she has a big butt.
She'll try to call you when she's in town, she's sure she'll have a few minutes for a beer.
*She didn't actually have a radio flyer, but it makes for much better prose.
**Edit from previous misinformation; Girl-E's mother reminds us that the Padres defeated the Cubs in the 1984 Playoffs, but were then crushed by the Tigers in the World Series.
***25 points and special mention in Boo-Blog if you know who this is.
****Yes, that's what we said.
Posted by The Twins at May 14, 2003 10:19 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
/cgi-bin/mt-tb.cgi/29