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April 16, 2003
Good Morning, Starshine
So we have a serious thing we could talk about today, or a trivial thing. We'll go with the trivial thing, because well, that's just where our mental energy's at. You can always go to CNN.com after you read this, which is probably what we'll do after we write it.
Girl-E had a nightmare last night, of the variety driven by pure, unadulterated vanity. Girl-E's vanity is such that she doesn't generally make much effort to look fabulous on a daily basis, but she'd like to think the potential is there should she decide to pursue it on any given occasion.
There is no one thing that carries the brunt of this vanity more than her hair. Again, it is not daily hair perfection for which she strives, but rather a net positive average daily balance, an overall gestalt of appeal if you will. While this is not uncommon, it is complicated by the fact that she suffers from BOYS, or Blonde Of Youth Syndrome, a condition affecting countless young women who had naturally light blonde hair until their early 20s, when suddenly, as Girl-E's mother would say, it started to "go bad". The predominant symptom of BOYS is an almost obsessive desire to assert the authentic blonde self, while cheating just enough with highlights to perpetuate the only identity they have ever known. This does not mean lying; BOYS sufferers are far too aware of their own transgressions to believe they could fool anyone else, even if on occasion they do. What it means is a concerted effort to keep even themselves ignorant of just how far they have "gone bad". As Girl-E is still in the first few years of this insipid decomposition, her long-term strategy still occupies large amounts of her thinking.
At this point, we feel we have delved into far too much detail about the blonde issue to expound on the frizz issue. But just let it be known that there is one.
Anyway, about the nightmare. In it, Girl-E is going home for a wedding (which is in fact happening next month, although the bride in the dream is a different friend). She decides to visit an unknown stylist while she is there, about whom she has heard simply wonderful things. She goes in for a trim and subtle highlights, but suddenly becomes aware that he has given her some kind of shaven-nape bowl cut and dyed it raven black, like so much evil, frumpy, early '90s Winona Ryder. She then proceeds to engage in one of the most impassioned, eloquent debates of her life with the so-called stylist, who reasons that granting clients with such surprises is the only way they will ever be pushed towards change. Some other stylist interjects that he personally would have asked her first before doing such a thing, but that hardly helps the situation. She screams that the stylist clearly failed to assess the texture of her hair before commencing his little project, as he certainly never would have given her the cut that he did had he done adequate pre-style analysis. Then she woke up.
Anyway, we know that you are right now thinking you wished you'd just gone straight to CNN.com when given the chance. We promise we'll provide something of more global import tomorrow. But should you ever happen to meet Girl-E, feel free to use this information regarding one of her chief insecurities to your advantage.
Posted by The Twins at April 16, 2003 03:03 AM
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